stuff bout Him

I just re read not the last post, but the one before, from December!

It's funny how it all worked out.

Turns out, that due to advice from most of my friends, i did not quit when I said I would.

I quit as of my birthday, so for the second time in my life, I have to apply for centrestink ON MY BIRTHDAY.

I think 28 year old me = EPIC FAIL!

The latest boy I mentioned... Of course drunk me mentioned it to him. But the weird part is, that same boy is STILL on the scene, as of right now. I shall call him Him, as that's what he is known as on twitter. God I love that website.

Yay Nick D'arcy.

Him is... Strange. We've been seeing each other for over 4 months. I don't class it as serious. I do not know if he even likes me. I mean, he must, to keep seeing me for this long, but he's only even twice told me I look nice. He's not a complementer. I like complementers.

Don't get me wrong, he can be quite sweet. But I prefer someone who is more verbal in their interractions.

This one and I have been plodding along. He's hard to talk to. He's smart beyond belief. He is rich, as is his family, which is a fact that scares me.

I am not used to partners who are well off. He took me to Cloudland and shouted dinner, drinks, snacks, cocktails. Was a wonderful night, but I still feel bad for it.

I am someone of simple tastes.

I don't love him, cause he isn't showing me enough of who he is. I think that's is just him. I do not know if I can deal with that.

In fact, I know I cannot. I need to break up with him, but for now, his generosity is good. He brings me wine, he cooks for me and buys me dinner (I'm talking twice a week, tops here!!!!!)

My thoughts around him leave me sighing heavily. I like him, but I don't know if he feels the same. And the only way that I'll know is to ask. It'll happen soon enough.

Been awhile

But I am sort of unpredictable like this. This really isn't the forum to be writing this. But to be honest, I really just can't be bothered to start another blog.

And my counsellor is booked out til May 6th.

And, me, who loves telling strangers and friends alike every final detail of my person life, just really doesn't want to anymore.

I have my close friends, but over the last 3 weeks, I've been becoming more distant to them. I don't know whether this is intentional or unintentional.

I'm spending an increasing amount of time in front of this here laptop and feeling sorry for myself.

And the CnH2n+1OH doesn't help.

There's tears. There's thoughts of helplessness, but I just can't. be. bothered with the whole talking thing.

wallowing and grinding teeth just feels... Nice on the odd occasion.

The mess

It's bad again. I am quitting my job with nothing to go to, for the second time in my life. At least this time I don't have to apply for Centrelink benefits on my birthday.

I just moved too- the timing is so crap.

I got ridiculously drunk last night at a meetup with some friends from school, two of whom didn't go to the reunion. It was fun, I told embarrassing stories about myself, and ended up calling the latest guy and he picked me up and brought me home, and put me to bed.

I don't remember what I said to him either. I just hope I didn't tell him what I told my friends earlier- that I think he could be the one... Nothing like making that statement to someone on a Wednesday, after having only started seeing them on the Sunday. Gosh I hope that didn't happen...

Of course I thought that with the last one too- and we were so incompatible it wasn't funny. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I hate how lust blinds me.

Max is an Aunty, her niece has such a pretty name.

Still writing

But my counsellor and close friends are getting it. I try to write daily, but it's not happening- I need to make time morning and night for it.

I'm still having boy troubles, I'm still struggling with money and weight. But I'm starting to accept myself. I no longer fight with my parents, I realise that they want to run my life for me. I just don't accept or put up with it- walking away is easier than fighting with Dad. I'm moving out on Sunday- and pleased as anything!

I got my nose pierced on Monday, bringing the total bits of silver hanging out of my body to 8. Max and B will notice and tell me. The others didn't... Dad still hasn't, and Mum was disappointed in me.

I've got stories to tell, a life to live and adventures to have. It should be fun.

F***ing, B*****d, c***ing PRICKS!!

It's no wonder I'm on prozac, my life just takes dramatic twists and turns daily.

Mister, from this post has a long distance GF. He believes it is ok for us to do "stuff" but not go to home base. And so I told him by MSN that I was not comfortable with this, blah, blah, and his response was so typically male it was predictable.

Stop thinking about stuff and just go with the flow. Or along those lines... I told him to contact me when he no longer wants the cake and to eat it too.

That is the problems with these males who cheat. They DON'T think enough. About consequences, about peoples feelings, about breaking lifelong dreams, about the girl who loves them and doesn't want to believe or acknowledge what a lying cheating prick he is.

And these bastards along with other so called normal males who don't cheat, are also affected by a condition known as "Double standards".

CUT POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ended up having an MSN-gument with Mister. He called me a b***h when I said he couldn't have his cake and eat it too. I said that wasn't nice and he asked if it were "that time of the month".

I originally blocked him, but I wanted the final word. I was so much politer than I should have been. It could have ended nicely, but no.

Grr, now I am so riled up and want to let out the anger. But I am tired, so I think I'll just go to bed...

Lists

Things I love to do:

1. Discover new awesome music
2. Be stupid with friends
   
3. Have remedial massages
   
4. Have completely honest and open conversations with friends
5. Swim in the ocean
6. Read great books
7. Lay in bed and do nothing
8. Drink Red wine
9. Play board games
10. Partake in retail therapy
11. Run sand through my hands
12. Write down my thoughts
13. Procrastinate
14. Have someone else cook me breakfast
15. Write lists
    

While the cat's away... (aka my milkshake part deux)

I don't even check the email address for this much anymore. But the blog is staying open, as writing is what seems to help me process things the best.

This weekend has been confusing, fun, heartwarming, gutwrenching, relaxed, all at the same time. A Hollywood blockbuster in one normal Springtime weekend.

The parentals were away from Friday lunchtime until Sunday morning...

At lunchtime Friday, my plans for the evening were to go into the city for 1 maybe 2 drinks with friends, head home, and have an old school friend come over for dinner. He cancelled at 3pm, so I still went ahead with the city plans. After one drink, I headed home. I've never been able to do the just sticking to one thing...

And then I messaged B to see if she wanted to come over. She couldn't. So I messaged two other friends who live local to me. I can't remember if they have nicknames on here, so they will be boy and girl. (And I'll get round to writing a cast list one day!)

Girl was still at work, so she declined the offer, but boy had no plans. The history there is boy and girl went to our year 12 formal together and we have all been friends the whole ten years.

Boy came over over had a few drinks with me. As the drinks flowed, the conversation did, and it was definitely the most candid conversation we've ever had. He left at about 9, and I messaged him to say that he should have stayed. And he was back at about 10. And one thing did lead to another and well, we're still friends, but the benefit kind, which is handy as he lives not far away.

I think we've also both had crushes on each other over the years, but the timing just never was right. Now it is. And while I told him I'm fine with it, I still can't believe it happened. Happy it has, but I wonder if there really could be more there...

Also in the middle of all of this texting, I managed to call Max and tell her the situation, and she called me a legend and thought it was hilarious!

Cut to Saturday morning. I had a little self induced headache, so I layed in bed, got up did some chores, went back to bed. I also messaged the ex mentioned in this post, who was due to visit me today. He cancelled, so I was looking forward to a nice relaxing Sunday as well.

At 7pm, after yet another snooze, I woke up to find that my brother had arrived. We were going to see The Drones together, and they certainly did not disappoint- it was the most fantastic conceret- even the tall people who plonked themselves in front of me could not ruin it.

My phone beeped during "Cold and Sober" and it was a friend who I've not mentioned on here before, Mister. He lives close to where we were, so I had Bro drop me off there after the concert finished, and left at 9:30 this morning.

After one very long and expensive cab ride home, I check my email. The ex who cancelled on today had decided to come after all. Now, in order to visit me, he had a 1 hour flight here and back. And he did it, just to see me. We've been swapping texts and emails back and forth sporadically since January, and he was finally here in Brisbane!

Of course I was straight on the phone to Max, recalling the story, and she was dumbstruck at it all too.

So he arrived to pick me up and I'd forgotten how good looking he was.

TBC...