I think everyone's goal in life should be to be happy. But so many people aren't and don't do a thing about it. Whether it be through laziness, ignorance, or because they're just too stupid to see what it is that makes them truly feel happy.
Me? I have too many contradictions to ever be 100% happy. I am not going to be happy in a long term relationship because I bore easily. Yet one night stands don't leave me feeling fulfilled enough.
I want things on my terms, which are nowhere near conventional. I haven't even worked out exactly what they are yet either, which puts me in all those three categories above.
Drinking too much never fails to make me feel negatively about myself, yet going out sober just takes me into a deeper hole.
I found something I loved doing at work, and it was taken away from me, I had no choice. I am stuck with something destined to make me hate me job so much that even though some people are lovely, I will quit.
It's probably the black dog speaking, but I feel it's true and I've known it for a while, I just want to deny it.
But I can't and I wont. I will learn to live with it.
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