my lot in life

Reading back over the last week, it would seem I am so unhappy with my life. Yet I am not- which is probably an indication in itself that the drugs are working...

I have a great flatmate, who I get along very well with, so home life is relaxed. I have two parents who are still married after 30 years, and who I love and miss and try to see as much as possible. I have some great friends who know my faults and still like me.

I get along with my brother better than I ever have, to the point that when I feel like escaping the city, I can go to his place for a night or two, which is 5 minutes walk from the beach.

I have a permanent government job, which is what I've wanted for years. And it allows me to take time off so I can spend more time with my friends and family. I have enough food to feed me, clothes to wear, blankets to keep me warm, downloaded entertainment to keep me occupied, music to fill my iPod and Tupperware to play with.

I've recently gotten in touch with my best friend from high school, and it is great talking about stuff with her that we first talked about a good 13 years ago and she still remembers.

I get to see her and 3 other interstate friends who will all be visiting this year.

I am doing singing lessons fortnightly, which is something I have wanted to do for YEARS, and I enjoy it so much, even though I know I do not have the best voice.

I make a difference in a little girls life by reading to her and playing with her for an hour a week. It's an hour of being silly and writing poems rhyming the word "fart" and interpretive dancing to "Waltzing Matilda"

I have an overseas trip planned. And while I am going to have to scale it back from my original month long plans, I'll still get to see some of the most fantastic ancient ruins in the world. And I'll be back in time for my good friend B's birthday.

And I've started exercising, and found I am enjoying it, to the point where I competed in an 8km walking race, and completed it in 1 hour, 7 minutes and 1 second. And I want to do more.

I've even come to grips a little more with the drinking too much thing. I am too hard on myself. I shouldn't be wracked with guilt after every night out, because mostly, they are fun and I enjoy them. And after speaking to the one's who've seen me that way most, I don't hurt anyone, which is a relief for me. Sure I know I am hurting myself, but with that in mind, it will help me, as I don't want to do that.

Because, the only things that are bad are my being overweight, and my being constantly struck down with illness. Both being results of drin king too much and eating bad foods. Both self inflicted problems, with patience and time, I can control.

I was off work last Thursday and Friday and am off today. All on a doctor's certificate. I've slept lots and watched TV shows. I haven't exercised because I believe it is actually making my sinus problems worse. I've had one glass of wine in that time (which Max commented was a huge indication I was sick!)

I'm going to slow down somewhat. Cut back. But not to the point of complete abstinence from all that is supposedly "bad". I still need, like and want to have fun :)